I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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