my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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