hotel room ftw
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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