i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
