Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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