she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
