Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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