I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
