How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Randomize
