if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
