Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
