After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
