Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize