she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
