There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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