6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
