I just pynch a tree in the face
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
