Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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