I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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