Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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