Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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