And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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