Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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