He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just gift wrapped bread.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
