69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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