when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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