I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
