Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
