I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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