some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
