you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
