You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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