Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize