I met the friendliest cop last night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
