we made out on top of his cat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
