he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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