oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
