Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
