My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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