i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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