She announced her abortion via fbk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
