last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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