id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
