My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
