the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you told grandpa to call you daddy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
