They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
