I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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