it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize