...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
