I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
