She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
