dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
