Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
