Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
