whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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