I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
