Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
