Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
