i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
