What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cut my penus on the lid.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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