PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
