Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
