i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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