What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
